Great day at Fishfingerbutty Towers today when I took delivery of a new memory foam mattress. My old mattress had become lumpy and the springs were going so lack of decent sleep spurred me into action to buy a new one. I would love to say at this point that the reason my mattress had lost it's va-va-voom was due to seeing more action than the Parachute Regiment in Helmand Province, but sadly no... More like missing in action. Absent Without Leave even. Anyway I digress...
The new mattress is delivered air-wrapped and rolled tightly in a box about 3 feet high but weighing about the same as an obese shire horse. Like a big kid, cardboard and wrapping is cut through in 5 seconds flat and then it happened.... like a scene from a comedy film when during an inopportune moment, the ripcord is pulled and a huge life raft inflates, well my mattress does the same...
Only problem is, it took me a little by surprise and not being able to contain the speed and weight bearing down on me in an impending death situation, it sent me crashing backwards, ripping my foot straight through the bottom divan before wedging my head under the radiator. Amazing really, we've had 2 weeks of snow and treacherous ice and nothing. Ten minutes with a Silentnight memory foam mattress and I now have a club foot, broken bed and the side of my head forever marked with 'turn here to bleed'.
I'm watching out for any discarded banana skins in my bedroom tonight or if the bonnet blows of my car whilst my dickie bow spins round....
No comments:
Post a Comment