Welcome to 27 days of the insanity that is Channel 4's reality tv show 'Celebrity Big Brother'. The wannabees, the deranged, the delusional, the desperate, the vacuous and the mentally ill are trundled in (albeit with healthy fees) to either boost their profile(?) or to pay their end of year tax bills. The last and final series of the doomed show began last night where the latest set of morons were trundled in under a fanfare of trumpets and Davina McCall's shouty attempts at whipping up some enthusiasm. This year's selection was a bunch of nobodies and were met by a bemused crowd of hushed murmurings 'who the f...?' The full line-up this year is:-
1. Alex Reid - cross-dressing cage fighter and famous for dating Katie Price.
2. Heidi Fleiss - Hollywood Madam and ex-prostitute
3. Nicola T - Page 3 model in 2002. Engaged to Crewe Alexandra player
4. Sisqo - American R&B singer who had one hit in 2000.
5. Katia Ivanova - describes herself as a 'model and artist' which is a euphemism for 'shagged Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood'
6. Basshunter - Swedish DJ with one hit record in 2008
7. Lady Sovereign - Rapping chav. Think thinner version of Vicky Pollard
8. Dane Bowers - was in obscure boy band. Also famous for dating Jordan
9. Stephanie Beacham - Actress. Last seen sailing off in a barge in Coronation St.
10. Stephen Baldwin - US Actor. Claim to fame is starring as Barney Rubble
11. Vinnie Jones - famous for grabbing Gazza's nuts & acting well 'ard in movies.
I know... I only knew 3 of them as well. This year's CBB is going to be remembered for 2 things.. a) who didn't make it on the show. Rumoured to be Paul Gascoigne, Boy George, Kerry Katona. Three people with serious histories of mental illness combined with drug/alcohol misuse. Wow, that's entertainment. And b) the pre-launch hype surrounding a fight-off between Jordan's ex and current beau. Not sure if Alex will be able to kick Dane's head in whilst wearing slingbacks and fishnets, but that WOULD be entertainment.
So, sit back for next 26 nights and watch the appalling freak show if you dare.