WHO'S THE DADDY?....

All of the following are allegedly genuine responses given by mothers to the Child Support Agency in the section asking for fathers' details....


'Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name given]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night'. 


'I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of the window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of the names of men that I think were at party if that helps?' 


'I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at [address given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.'

'I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW garages in this area and see if he's had it replaced?' 


'I cannot tell you the name of the child's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.'


'[name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC cd's?'


'From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.'


'I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby. After all, when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.'