I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE LANCASHIRE GIRLS....

Ok, I've created a monster here by mentioning that I liked Katy Perry and Snopp Doggy Dogg's California Girlz and losing all my musical cred by listing her song in my favourite songs from 2010. Yes, it's a good summer pop song but Bernie Taupin here feels it needed a bit more grit to the lyrics in order to appeal to a very lucrative market - and we're not talking the Far East, we're talking the North West of England. Let me therefore introduce you to my very special re-working of California Girlz lyrics alluding to the wonder of the gorgeous Northern ladies particularly from the Blackpool region. I shan't be holding my breath for receiving a Brit or Ivor Novello Award. 


Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Lancashire Girlz...

[Whippet Snoop Dog]
Greetings me loved ones
Let's take a journey

[Katy Ramsbottom]
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Cold, wet and wild
There must be something in the water
Sippin' vodka  and Red Bull
Laying underneath the North Pier
(Undone)
The boys break their necks
Tryin' to peep down our new bras
(At us)

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close to the Fylde Coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)

Lanc-a-shire gurls, we're unforgettable
Blackpool rock, a pink Primark top
Sun-lamped skin, so hot, we'll melt your fish and chips
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)
Lancashire gurls, we're undeniable
Corned beef legs, we got it on lock
Fylde Coast represent, now put your hands up
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)

Sex on Fleetwood beach
We don't mind sand in our stilettos
We freak, in my Clio
JLS is on the stereo

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close to the Golden Mile
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)

Lancashire gurls, we're unforgettable
Donner kebabs, thousand island on top
Bikini-waxed skin, so hot, we'll melt your pubic hair
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)


Lancashire gurls, we're undeniable
Easy lay, we got it on lock
Fylde Coast represent, now put your hands up
(Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh)
(Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh)


[Whippet Dogg raps]
Orange tanned, fat and ready,
turn it up 'cause it's getting heavy!
Wild, wild Fylde coast,
these are the girls I love the most!
I mean the ones,
I mean, like, she's the one,
kiss her, touch her, squeeze her baps!

The girl's a lark,
she drives a Micra and lives on Grange Park,
I'm okay, I might be gay,
I love the scene, just like I love Poulteen.,
Lytham Beach and Staining,
summer time is everything!

Home boys hanging out,
all this arse hanging out!
UGGS, leggings, jeggings, no weddings,
Just a king and a queen,
Fishfingerbutty, my lady, (Yeah)
You looking here baby (uh, huh)!
I'm all up on you,
'Cause you representing Lancashire (oh yeah)!