AT LAST... WAYNE SCORES!

Although he can't score for Man United or England, it appears Wayne Rooney can manage to score in a brothel. It's alleged that Wayne has been at it again with sordid tales of peccadillos with prostitutes. News first broke a few years back when young Wayne no doubt fuelled by drink and a generous dollop of egging on by his mates, visited a 48 year old prostitute kindly nicknamed 'the auld slapper'. Boys will be boys eh? And then he got the top job at United, married Coleen, had their first child and seemed to settle down. Now the story has emerged of Wayne paying up to £1200 for the services of a Manchester prostitute not once but many times. The trysts happened at the 5 star Lowrey hotel in Manchester after Wayne picked up the girl at a local casino. The timing was just perfect as Wayne was playing hide Mr sausage whilst Coleen was pregnant with their first child. 21 year old Jenny Thompson claims that Wayne chased her with numerous texts making lurid suggestions of what might happen in room 562 at the Lowry, however Jenny also hints that Wayne is a hotshot in the box - but it appears only at Old Trafford when playing in front of the United faithful. It appears our Wayne is not so great in the sack.  
Here's some free advice Wayne:- 


1. Mixing with Rio Ferdinand will invariably get you into trouble. 
2. When you get married, and your wife is pregnant, try to keep it in his pants
3. Smoking fags, urinating in public and paying for prostitutes makes you a lesser player for United and England and prevents you from scoring goals despite being paid squillions to do just that. 
4. Be a better role model to your fans and to your son and grow up.