Thursday, 19 August 2010


Peter Andre was in Blackpool today unveiling his new waxwork at Louis Tussaud's museum. Rumour has it that Katie Price is considering marriage to the waxwork effigy as it scored 14 points higher on the MENSA IQ test than her current squeeze Alex Reid. 
I can't put my finger on it, but there's something very endearing about Peter Andre. He has not a great deal of discernible talent and was all but forgotten after his dreary one hit wonder 'Mysterious Girl'. And then how fickle fame and celebrity is in this country when he goes in the jungle, hooks up with the lascivious Jordan, and the rest they say, is history. I think his endearing qualities lie in his humbleness and amazement that he is one lucky bastard to lead an incredible lifestyle from doing nothing more than looking longingly into Katie's eyes and producing two children under the relentless coverage of ITV2. Anyway, he seems a nice enough bloke and good luck to him for making a few bob and having a nice life. I'd rather he had it than some of our illustrious premier league loutish footballers. 

Which brings me on nicely to Louis Tussaud's in Blackpool. As a kid, visiting the Tussaud's used to thrill me and scare the beejeepers out of me in equal measures. The Royal Family waxwork section didn't seem to change in years. They all gazed out with their dead eyes and resplendent in their British Home Stores clothing and Claires Accessories tiaras. Plenty of waxworks were also on display from the worlds of showbiz and sport. But the best sections and the ones causing the most anticipation were the Chamber of Horrors in the basement and the Medical / Disease Section on the top floor. Both had massive warnings about the the awfulness of the displays and how they may affect people of a sensitive nature. You had to be accompanied by an adult in both sections, but to be honest, we just used to sneak through and whoever worked there turned a blind eye anyway. The medical section contained exhibits of diseased bodies, Siamese twins and one memorable waxwork of a foetus that was found to be growing in a man's body. Typical me with my nose up to the glass ooohing and aaaghing at the sight of the effects of syphilis on the face of an adult. Blimey, I was so macabre.. it's no wonder I became a nurse! 
And then came the Chamber of Horrors. I remember it starting off with the usual suspects.. Frankensteins monster, Boris Karloff's vampire. And then it got worse. You were taken through a dark corridor containing famous murderers  from the past and scenes from cutting up bodies in the bath. The one scene that gave me absolute nightmares was the motorway car crash. It was an old scrapped mini with the windscreen smashed through and the driver and occupants sprawled out over the bonnet. I also remember lots of fake blood and sirens playing loudly on loudspeakers. It was utterly gruesome and it must have made a big impression on me because I can still vividly recall it many years later. I'll probably return to Louis Tussaud's this summer and see it evokes the same memories from my childhood. I'll probably not sleep for weeks....

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