Tuesday, 24 August 2010


GMTV and BBC Breakfast are covering the GCSE results this morning. As with the coverage they give A level results, it's painful viewing. Painful in that like death and taxes, it's so predictable. Remember the days they were called 'O' Levels and CSE's? Remember the days you walked or cycled down to school for your results and were underwhelmed by their crapness? Straight down to the local cafe with 28 of your mates and 3 cups of coffee to chat about Top of Pops, boys and what we were doing that weekend. Not very high of the agenda was exam results, university or career choices. And where were our parents? At home shrugging their shoulders saying 'oh well'. How different it is today. 
Here's what happens today when our little prince and princesses go for their results (NB. GMTV and BBC will also report the same scene next year, and the year after...)

1. Reporter sets the scene from 7am at the school. Only the caretaker grumbling in the background is present. 

2. 07:20. After 14 separate items about GCSE results, the reporter is now joined by lots of spotty teenagers holding their envelopes without actually opening them. Reporter asks a few of them usual questions on the lines of 'are you excited?' 'are you nervous?'

3. 07.30. Reporter gives permission for envelopes to be opened by selected few and cameraman hones in on one of the group. The anticipation is high whilst Chloe or Jack scans their results then screams out 'I got 17 A's, 3 A stars and a B in woodwork'. 

4. 07.32. Reporter congratulates Chloe or Jack and says 'well done' a few times. Meanwhile in the background, other 16 years olds are opening their envelopes. 

5. 07.33. Cue screams, jumping up and down, hugging, crying, texting on mobiles, more crying. And that's just the boys. This lasts for approximately 20 mins. 'Oh my God, I can now do media studies at 6th form...wicked'.

6. 07.35 - 09.15. Reports of the GCSE results continue every 10 minutes with the same repetition of screams, hugging, crying. 

7. Crying and excitable teenagers get collected from school by stretch limo.  

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