WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Forget Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, Brooklyn and Romeo, a new book 'Frou Frou Frisby & Brick' by Russell Ash lists the worst baby names ever. The book was compiled whilst he was trawling through official records across the world for the most unfortunate, embarrassing and downright comical names. When you read through some of the names, you have to wonder whether the parents have a mental illness or just a perverse sense of humour.  

Some of the more bizarre names include Placenta Hightshoe, Plegm Click, Hysteria Johnson, Wanton Coward and Smallpox Tommy. 

Then there's the names which are simply priceless in that sniggering, lavatorial humour sort of way .... Pedor File, Ophelia Balls, Fanny E C Lay, Ima Gay, Nancy Boy, Juan King, Dick Bellend, Eric Schon and my personal spoonerism favourite - Pat Fenis (didn't she once play Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street?). 

Then there's Rusty Pipes, Seymour Butt, Joy Rider, Justin Case, John Thomas Willy, and Fizzy Allgood. Eva Faithful is included as is Booby Ogle, Wiggy Piggy, Drew Peacock, Chris P Bacon and Lettice Pray. 

Then there's the people with questionable taste who change their names by deed poll to something altogether different... 

George Garratt decided he would rather be known as Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Gary Brett changed his to Hong Kong Phooey and Steven Lane is now Jellyfish McSavaloy. And why be Martin Smith when you can change it to Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El-Tooty Fruity Farto Hello Hippopotamus Bum?  

Growing up, there was a lovely lad in my class called Martin Balmer (pronounced Barmer) - no great shakes there until it's shortened to M.Balmer. And a bloke I used to work with whose dad was called Tom Bowler. And the perennial favourite work colleague with the unfortunate moniker - Nobby Jelley. 

So with some creative influence and maybe because of the hot weather which has turned my mind a bit, my new name as of Monday will be Fishfingerbutty Rawsie Webster Knickerbocker Glory Spagbol Nurse Ratchett Converse Allstars Jockstrap Blackpool Rock Lipschitz. That's Fishyfingers for short...