Saturday, 20 February 2010


No it's not a picture of Little Richard age 20 and Albert Steptoe overdoing the sunbed, but the computer-generated face of Tutankhamun taken from his profile from the mummified remains. Using bone structure from his skull, scientists have recreated Tutankhamun's facial features to quite an unnerving effect. King Tut has been in the news this week because scientists studying his remains over the past two years, have found evidence supporting how the boy king may have lived and eventually died.

It seems the boy king who died around the age of 19, could hardly have been nicknamed 'Lucky Tutty'. It's thought he had Marfans syndrome which partly accounts for a feminine and curvaceous appearance. He had a rare bone disorder affecting the foot called Kohler disease causing a club foot and curvature of the spine. Prior to his death, he had fractured his leg which scientists think led to his demise due to not healing properly and leaving him susceptible to infection. The malaria parasite was found in his DNA and this was thought to be a likely cause of death, although some scientists point to the fact his ribs and chest were also caved in and falling off his chariot being a likely cause of death. I bet his boyfriend had just dumped him a week before as well...

So, the most mysterious and famous Egyptian after Mohammed Al Fayed was a limping, sweaty, clumsy, stooping, ladyboy. Probably a good candidate for working the bars at Funny Girls Blackpool had it existed 3000 years ago. Certainly a definite candidate for Egyptian X Factor 1000BC. Imagine his sad story from the heats? 'Well Simon, I was born with this clicky hip and by the age of 12 had size 38C bosoms which is a bit of a hinderance especially as the sports bra hasn't even been invented yet. And I never got picked for the Cairo under-11's football team because it was embarrassing when we had to swop shirts at full-time. My dad disowned me as he wanted me to be king of all Egypt, have 500 wives and be a cruel master. But all I wanted to do is sing and wear Max Factor eye liner. Simon, I'll give 110% on this journey, I want it soooo much. Tonight Simon, Louis and Cheryl, I'm going to sing an old favourite of mine by the Bangles... Walk Like an Egyptian. Danni, can you just put that asp down while I do my intro? Ow, who left that bloody zimmer frame there, I think I've bust my bloody leg?'.....

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