Tuesday, 1 March 2011
HE SHOOTS... HE SCORES.....
Last night, police were called at Chelsea's Cobham training ground and had to remove Ex-England footballer Gazza for public affray before being sectioned under the Mental Health Act 1983. Gazza had driven down from Newcastle after he heard that his old mate Ashley had been involved in an air-rifle shooting incident. Armed with a 12 piece bargain bucket of KFC, a side of corn on the cob and coleslaw, a fishing rod and some blankets, Gazza was spotted outside the gates by a Chelsea groundsman. With a loudhailer in hand, Gazza was witnessed to be shouting 'Ashley mate, it's Gazza! You're a top bluurk yer nah. Whey aye pet, come and have some chicken with your old pal Gazza and we'll have a chat and do some fishing'.
Gazza was led away by psychiatric nurses but due to NHS cutbacks, had to share the same ambulance as the Tom unfortunate victim of Cole's shooting practice, the 21 year old work experience student Tom Cowan. Despite protestations, Gazza insisted that Tom had a drumstick and first slurps on the go-large Pepsi Max.
Carlo Ancelotti the Chelski Manager was interviewed later on Chelsea TV and provided the following statement...
'Err.. I think err Manchester are fantastic but we give them good game tomorrow night. Oh, Ashley.. si.. very silly boy err, but we talked si?.. he's sorry - izz accident no?'.
Chelsea's Director of sponsorship confirmed that shirt sales in the Chelsea shop had increased following cashing in on the Cole shooting incident. The name 'A. Cole' had been altered to 'Asshole' and Cole's number 3 had been removed and replaced by a picture of a target.
Ex-wife Cheryl Cole took a break in her hectic L'Oreal advertising schedule and agreed to an exclusive interview from GMTV's roving reporter Kate Garraway. Cheryl statement was as follows 'I think the King's Speech was fabulous. Colin's been signed up as a guest judge on this year's X Factor which is SOOOO A-MAZING!. Sorry, Ashley who?'