Sunday, 27 March 2011


Can there be anything quite as nauseous as child singers? You don't see them around too much these days, but when I was growing up, they were everywhere, assaulting our eardrums and clogging up the charts. I just can't understand the appeal or cute factor of some little midget singing like they've just sucked up gallons of helium from balloons. Particularly grimsville is when they are the products of stage schools - I'm thinking the 'eyes and teeth' fodder from Sylvia Young's Stage School or the Italia Conti Stage School. No sorry folks, performing kids just leave me cold. Little Jimmy Osmond sticks in my mind as probably the Prince of Sickbags with the strangely titled 'Long Haired Lover From Liverpool'. Strange indeed when he had a pudding bowl haircut, came from somewhere in Utah and slightly odd that he's singing a lyric about being a 'lover' when he was about 10 at the time and Mormons don't actually do that sort of thing until their wedding night. Watch the video and weep at the miming, the dance routine and the fact it got to christmas number one...
To plunge into even greater depths of ghastliness, check out the following for records you would never own up to having in your collection in a million years from very small people with very ambitious parents....

Lena Zavaroni - Ma, He's Making Eyes At Me 
Donny Osmond - Puppy Love
Neil Reid - Mother of Mine 
St Winifred's School Choir - There's No-One Quite Like Grandma
Hanson - MMMbop 
Miley Cyrus - All  
Justin Beiber - All 

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