YOU'RE HIRED....

   

Just to finish off a tv heaven week of finals, The Apprentice drew to a close last night with Stella English winning the coveted Apprentice series and landing a job with Lord Alan Sugar. Cool as a cucumber Stella was the consistent performer throughout the tasks and a worthy winner. She was pitted against the very capable Chris in the final where they were tasked with producing a new concept alcohol drink and pitch it to a product launch consisting of alcohol marketing brand industry leaders. Stella went for a bourbon mix with spices and saw a niche in the market of targeting the female market. She got it just about right on every front and I loved the name of the brand - Urbon. Chris went for 'Prism', a white rum mixed with pomegranate and designed a uber eye-catching pyramid bottle which won him lots of plaudits. He fell down by producing a pink drink which apparently would put off the male market from drinking Prism. Was it only me who thought the design looked like a bottle of aftershave? It looked a bit gimmicky although bravo to him for going for it. And so to the final boardroom scenes which are always tense as Lord Sugar builds up to hiring his new Apprentice. All was going well until Stella started her plea and it all got a little desperate with her pleading to be taken on and resorting to attack mode on her counterpart. I was squirming thinking that she was talking her way out of the job, but in the end she won through although I doubt she will win many Miss Popularity contests amongst her peers. 

I also managed to catch last night's BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2010. It's usually a dullish occasion given over to two hours of honouring sports people and their achievements over the year. AP McCoy took the big prize for his horse-racing achievements. Ian Holloway lost out on Coach of the Year for his monumental work at Blackpool FC in getting them to the Premiership and not doing a bad job once we're there. However, the headlines today will go to David Beckham for being the youngest recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Award. He went up to collect his award and received what must have been the longest standing ovation I've ever heard or witnessed. It was totally moving and humbled David Beckham into stunned tear-filled silence. His wife and children were also there to witness his award and it was extremely moving to see the high regard this man has amongst his contemporaries and indeed the nation as a whole. Please God he one day leads out England to win the World Cup. Surely managing England to much needed success is the only achievement left for Mr Beckham? That is unless he enters Strictly Come Dancing, The Apprentice or the X Factor....

THIS WEEK'S TV FINALS...

Wowsers, what a week for the telly addicts.  It kicked off with the 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here' final with the win going to Stacey Solomon (who previously came third in  last year's X Factor!). This year's IACGMOOH surpassed previous years due to some key celebrity moments - generally from Gillian McKeith who fainted and screamed all the time, and Shaun Ryder whose encounter with the snake was tv gold. The snake has certainly never been the same since. 
Last weekend we were treated to hours and hours of the grand final of the X Factor. This year has seen more than its fair share of controversy with tales of fixing, fall outs, and fabrication. Matt Cardle screeched and cried his way to the winner's title and a million pound recording contract. Matt, on nearing the final and through yet another tear-filled performance, told the viewing audience that his song was a tribute to a family friend who had died tragically leaving her 4 boys to be looked after by his parents. Of course the British press have exposed the real story bearing no resemblance to Matt's sob story. Tut tut the X Factor publicity machine and tut tut viewing audience for churning out this crap and actually believing it. Matt won the title but I still maintain that Rebecca Ferguson (who came 2nd) was the star. Pure class and I'm sure her star is in the ascendancy.  

Wednesday night saw the semi final of The Apprentice and we now know that this year pits the ultimate man v woman final. Posh boy with the polished academic background Chris is up against ex council estate girl done good, the very corporate, cool as cucumber and very competent Stella. Of course I'm rooting for the girl to win the top prize of the £100k contact working for Lord Alan Sugar's multi-billion pound corporation. This week the rather odious and gobby little upstart Stuart Baggs whose self-proclaimed moniker 'The Brand' finally got caught out in the interview stage for the annoying little twerp he is. Stuart Baggs, for all his huffing and puffing and claims of global brilliance and being sent by God, was superb television. Finally watching him squirm and try and blag his way out of trouble was the stuff of legend. Best ever series BBC - well done for a series that just gets better and better. 

Tonight it's the biggie in Fishfingerbutty Towers as it's the Strictly Come Dancing Final. Three couples left and thankfully, the best three are fighting it out in the final. There's Pamela Stephenson, who at 61 is doing a brilliant job and showing that grannies can be sexy, fun and strut their stuff probably better than women half her age. There's Matt Baker who is the Mr Nice Guy of the competition. A superb natural dancer who mixes gymnastic ability with a pretty easy on the eye cha-cha-cha. And then there's Kara Tointon. A girl who has just got better and better and is now receiving plaudits that she is actually as good as a professional dancer. There's been some on and off screen chemistry with her brooding Russian professional partner which has added an extra spice to their dance routines. I think any one of these dancers could lift the trophy tonight as they've all been utterly superb to watch, however I'm hoping that dancing prevails and the best dancer wins it. Kara and Artem - my money is on you two. 

YOU'RE FIRED....

It's back next week! Oh yes, the Apprentice is back on our screens next week and I for one, can't wait. The 16 candidates have just been unveiled and this year's line up include a Marine, a surgeon and the usual smattering of investment bankers and PR consultants. Each year, I lick my lips in anticipation that heralds the start of another great series of the Apprentice. Each series, it showcases a group of people, some of whom are simply beyond stupidity. Many start off with outlandish arrogance... 'I'm world-class in sales', 'I won't take any prisoners in my drive and ambition to win', 'I'm going for world domination' and before long they are exposed more suited for 'Do you fries with that?'.  Each year, they come swaggering in with their £3000 business suits, hand stitched Italian shoes for the boys, killer heels for the girls. And very evidently, and almost instantaneously, they get overwhelmed by their own testosterone or egotism and demand to become project leaders and lo and behold, they f*ck it up. And generally, it's not a little f*ck up but it is so spectacular in the extreme, you want to scream at their total and utter f*ckwittedness. And of course, there's Lord Alan Sugar who has been round the block a few times making squillions in the process, who is ready to pounce and go in for the kill in exposing these numbskulls. It's tense, it's voyeuristic and it's extreme, but boy it's great tv. This series sees the introduction of Karen Brady to replace Lord Alan's matronly, but very astute right-hand man, the silver fox Margaret. Dara O'Brian also takes over from Adrian Chiles on the Apprentice You're Fired. 

Casting an experienced and well-honed eye over the new contestants, I'm predicting these two will cause a few eyebrows to be raised...

                                    

No it's not Dennis Pennis or one of the tossers from Jedward, but 24 year old Melissa Cohen. An ex-hairdresser, she now works for Tesco and claims she has increased Tesco's share of the kosher market by 75%. Melissa claims 'I generally get people quite scared. I don't know why'.  I have my suspicions as to why people might think that Melissa, starting with the barnet and some roots that need some major touch up work...

Meet 22 year old Raleigh Addington. Yep, 'fraid so.. he's named after a bike. Time will tell whether he turns out to be a Raleigh Chopper. Raleigh is described as 'bumbling and posh, similar to London Mayor Boris Johnson'. Oh Christ.. he'll get mullered.