HERE'S SIMON....

I've just caught up on the Coronation Street omnibus and it was nice to see some of scenes being filmed in Blackpool. Grandad George had brought Simon Barlow to Blackpool for the day and whilst he turned his back whilst chatting to his wife on North Pier, Simon decided to leg it. He must have just seen that the Grumbleweeds and Jedward were headlining the summer season show at the North Pier theatre. It's enough to make anyone run to the hills...

And then I remembered a previous blog where I mused over Simon's ability to scare the bejeepers out of me. I'm still not convinced he was innocent in the death of Liane the pet rabbit. Perhaps he casually read my blog whilst he had some spare time once he'd learnt his lines at Granada Studios? And now he's loose in the Blackpool area. Even Ken and Deirdre looked worried when they couldn't find him and not because he's a six year old alone in a strange town. I think they know just what he's capable of.

My doors have been locked and bolted tonight. I'm sleeping with a baseball bat under my pillow. The batteries have been changed in my smoke alarms. The police are doing hourly checks down my road. I won't rest until he's back safe in Wetherfield. Hang on, I think I can smell petrol.....

SIMON BARLOW - CUTE OR CREEPY?

Corrie's Simon Barlow (played by Alexander Bain) has breathed new life into the dreary Barlow family. He's certainly a better actor than most of them - yes Deidre, that means you. The late Maggie Jones who played Blanche was possibly the only exception. I miss her put downs and acerbic wit.

The latest storyline sees Simon's father Peter Barlow struggling with lapsing back into alcoholism. Corrie got it badly wrong with the Joe McIntyre disappearing man on lake the plotline, but the writers and actor playing Peter Barlow deserve much credit for tackling the issue of alcoholism so realistically. The drama is building as Simon is at the centre of a tug-of-war between his grandparents and Peter's drunken attempts to get him back. Scenes shot at Blackpool are imminent...

Whatever chaos is going on around him, Simon just manages to steal every scene he's in by managing just to look up with those cute cat from Shrek 2 big brown eyes. He also seems to have a natural acting ability way beyond his years. Lines are delivered in helium-pitched, Rochdalesque perfection.

However, to coin Ann Widdecombe's phrase, 'there's something of the night about him'. It's a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on it, but he just reminds me of an old man who's very, very short. A miniature Charlie Chaplin or a cross between Benjamin Button, Stewie from Family Guy and Damian from the Omen. Call it a hunch, but I've noticed that birds don't fly over Granada Studios when Simon does his outside scenes. Chesney's Schmeichal runs round in circles baying at the moon. And another thing...I'm going to ask for a second post mortem on Simon's pet rabbit Liane (shown looking a tad apprehensive in the photo above). Liane allegedly died in the flat fire from smoke inhalation, but I'm sure Simon was seen stuffing a box of Swan Vestas and an ether-soaked hankerchief in his school trouser pockets....