Tonight, on my way home from the pictures, I saw a christmas tree and a million decorations bedecking someone's house. Of course the curtains were all open which invited your eyes to stare at the horror within. And then, the gaze headed upwards to the roof where there was a landing strip of lights and get this.. an inflatable 15 foot high santa claus tethered to the chimney stack. My hometown has plenty of houses like this and each year it gets worse. And then I remembered that today's date is November 27th. Yes.. NOVEMBER.
Probably the worst thing about the lead up to christmas is the almost constant playing of christmas records in the shops, on the radio and at your work's parties. Music fan, yes., Christmas music fan? Nooooo. Not me. Never in a month of Sundays.
Here's my list of truly awful christmas 'hits' which get me gipping and have me heading for the paracetamol and earplugs...
Last Christmas (Wham) - Saccharin mush from George M before he was gay
Do They Know It's Christmas (Band Aid) - Sentiment was good (25 years ago)
Merry Christmas Everyone (Shakin' Stevens) - Welsh poor man's Elvis cack
Mary's Boy Child (Boney M) - Eurovision pap at it's worst
White Christmas (Bing Crosby) His penultmate big hit before the golf ball
Merry Xmas Everybody (Slade) - overplayed to death
Wombling Merry Christmas (Wombles) - Performed by men in hairy suits. Awful
The Millennium Prayer (Cliff Richard) - Enough to drive you to self harm
Santa Baby (Eartha Kitt) It's no coincidence that her name is cockney rhyming slang for a description of this song.
Lonely This Christmas (Mud) - worrying awful song and the video's worse
Frosty The Snowman (Jackson 5) - Michael, what were you thinking?
I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday (Wizzard) - actually, I don't
Have I missed any? Please God I win the lottery soon so that I can fly off to the Maldives for a month and NEVER have to hear these songs again (until next November at least).
