WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF BELGIUM?

I met up with some mates last night for the local pub quiz night. Tuesday's are also grill night in my local so a steak and drink for £5.99 usually brings in the punters who stay on for the quiz. Fed and amply watered on an 8oz rump steak and with pens at the ready, it was eyes down and we were off. My mates and I have quite a good knowledge base. My younger mates have new music / cinema / entertainment pretty well covered. I'm just an old bugger who reads boring stuff on history and politics. We also have sport pretty well covered so it's with much enthusiasm we start the quiz with that heady expectation that we'll win some money somewhere. All was going well until the connections round when you need to get 4 answers and solve the connection between the four answers. Last night's questions stumped us yet again:- 
1. Who was the British PM in 1967 when the pound was devalued?       Harold Wilson
2. Which actor played the lead role in the 1970's film Mean Streets? 
    Burt Reynolds (we put Steve McQueen) 
3. Which British athlete won gold in the triple jump event? 
    Jonathan Edwards
4. Which Big Brother contestant thought Saddam Hussain was a boxer?
    Jade Goody 


Getting one of the answers wrong obviously didn't help our cause but the best we could come up for the connection between all four was (brace yourselves...)
They all had a lesbian mother with a withered arm. 


Shameful, I know. The correct answer was the surnames were all great train robbers from the 1960's. Of course it was, bloody obvious really. 
We trundled on through the various rounds and many rounds later came a credible fifth. A good night was had by all. 
  

ANYONE GOT A MASSIVE RUBBER DUCK?

Luxuriating in a long hot steamy bath would never be the same again with this little beauty. This crystal bathtub was carved from a single block of the purest white crystal rock mined from Brazil. It's perhaps not suited for the average semi-detached bathroom as it's seven feet long and two feet deep. And getting up the staircase might be a bit of a problem too. 
Anyway, if you have a few bob spare and fancy a bathroom with a difference from the usual B&Q or Plumb Center specials, then this little beauty will cost you £530,000 from Harrods until the end of July. Blimey, that's about the cost of my ice cream budget for the year. Or a month's salary for Ashley Cole. Or employing 25 nurses for a year. Or give Sarah Ferguson a nice little earner for introducing HRH Prince Andrew to some businessmen. Or keeping Pete Doherty in drugs or Amy Winehouse in alcohol for a week. 
It's a lot of money, but I'd still love one. My ajax or CIF is at the ready....

FAB FRASIER

I've managed to catch up with a few early morning episodes of Frasier on Comedy Central. It has always been one of my favourite comedies - superbly written and brilliantly acted. American comedies and dramas are very different from ours. They're usually very slick, well produced, containing 'clever' and quickfire humour. The plots usually have a fallguy and a wiseguy and the American writers tend to make the characters likeable. I remember watching American comedy of the past and always finding it very funny. I love quick, dry and often slapstick humour which the American's are so good at producing. I'm thinking the Lucille Ball Show, Bilko, Taxi, Cheers and more recently Friends and Will and Grace. Our best comedies often include a grotesque leading character who is unlikeable, yet is so appealing in their awfulness, they are instantly watchable. I'm thinking Fawlty Towers, Absolutely Fabulous, The Office, The Royle Family to name but a few. 
Frasier sort of transcends the best of American and British humour. The character of Dr Frasier Crane was a spin-off from the highly successful Cheers series. Frasier is a slightly neurotic, snobby radio psychiatrist who lives with his father, his father's dog Eddie and a live-in physical therapist called Daphne. It often lapses into farce with intricate plotlines and sub plots, but always delivers a superbly crafted comedy. And yes, it gets a Sky+ in my house. 


Here's my top 5 facts about Frasier...


1. John Maloney who plays Frasier's dad Martin, is actually British born and bred from a little place called Blackpool! 
2. Jane Leeves who plays Daphne Moon starred in the Benny Hill Show as a Hills Angel.
3. The show won 37 Emmys during its 11 year run. 
4. Kelsey Grammer who plays Fraiser has had a turbulent personal life. His father and sister were both murdered. His twin younger brothers were killed in a scuba diving accident. 
5. David Angell who produced series 1-8 was killed in the 9/11 disaster. 

  

WUNDERVOLLES DEUTSCHLAND

Those damn Germans go and do it again. England's bogey team went and  did a very impressive demolition job on my tip for the tournament , Argentina. Maradona was inspiring the team to greatness. His enthusiasm and fan-like exuberance on the touchline was a joy to see. Messi, despite not scoring was mesmerising on the ball. We all knew the Argentinians had defensive frailties, but with that attacking line, you always felt they would strike back and score on the break. And then came Germany. Before the tournament, with the exception of Klose, I had struggled with any big names in the squad. Even Jurgen Klinsman in his pre-tournament talks and doubts over their progression given their youth and not so convincing qualifying stages. But wow, have they got better and better or what? I thought their demolition job of Australia was perhaps a one-off against one of the lesser teams in the World Cup. And then they went on to stick four past England and made them look pretty dreadful in the process. If there were any doubts about Germany, they were dispelled last night when they swept aside the glorious Argentina making them look like an ordinary second division team. Their precision, work rate, and finishing is extraordinary. They provide a benchmark for all teams to aspire to in their preparation and all-round excellence. They may not have the flair and swagger of the South American teams but they know how to win and that's what makes them so.... erm.... German!  So, here's my summary on the Germany team's performance at the WC...


Good things:
1. Klose - brilliant goalscorer, 100 caps and going for the overall golden boot
2. Schweinsteiger - instrumental in midfield 
3. Muller - another Muller to scare the life out of defences. Great player
4. Lahm - inspirational young captain.
5. Ozil - probably the find of the tournament. Premier League next season?  
5. Team work - jaw-dropping masterclass in incisive counterattacking football. The total package with a youthful zest combined with a purring ability and tactical discipline. Why oh why can't we play like them? 


Bad things: 
1. Joachim Löw - great manager but very dodgy dress sense and a porn star 1970's haircut
2. Neuer - a dodgy German goalie? I think so. Oliver Kahn will be crying in his gloves. 
3. Why, oh why, oh why are they so GOOD? 

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Forget Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, Brooklyn and Romeo, a new book 'Frou Frou Frisby & Brick' by Russell Ash lists the worst baby names ever. The book was compiled whilst he was trawling through official records across the world for the most unfortunate, embarrassing and downright comical names. When you read through some of the names, you have to wonder whether the parents have a mental illness or just a perverse sense of humour.  

Some of the more bizarre names include Placenta Hightshoe, Plegm Click, Hysteria Johnson, Wanton Coward and Smallpox Tommy. 

Then there's the names which are simply priceless in that sniggering, lavatorial humour sort of way .... Pedor File, Ophelia Balls, Fanny E C Lay, Ima Gay, Nancy Boy, Juan King, Dick Bellend, Eric Schon and my personal spoonerism favourite - Pat Fenis (didn't she once play Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street?). 

Then there's Rusty Pipes, Seymour Butt, Joy Rider, Justin Case, John Thomas Willy, and Fizzy Allgood. Eva Faithful is included as is Booby Ogle, Wiggy Piggy, Drew Peacock, Chris P Bacon and Lettice Pray. 

Then there's the people with questionable taste who change their names by deed poll to something altogether different... 

George Garratt decided he would rather be known as Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Gary Brett changed his to Hong Kong Phooey and Steven Lane is now Jellyfish McSavaloy. And why be Martin Smith when you can change it to Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El-Tooty Fruity Farto Hello Hippopotamus Bum?  

Growing up, there was a lovely lad in my class called Martin Balmer (pronounced Barmer) - no great shakes there until it's shortened to M.Balmer. And a bloke I used to work with whose dad was called Tom Bowler. And the perennial favourite work colleague with the unfortunate moniker - Nobby Jelley. 

So with some creative influence and maybe because of the hot weather which has turned my mind a bit, my new name as of Monday will be Fishfingerbutty Rawsie Webster Knickerbocker Glory Spagbol Nurse Ratchett Converse Allstars Jockstrap Blackpool Rock Lipschitz. That's Fishyfingers for short...

ENGLAND TIRED? NEIN NEIN NEIN

Still smarting over England's awful performance at the World Cup, my mood got considerably worse when Fabio Capello claimed that the reason England were unceremoniously dumped out of the WC was that the players were tired. 
It's always been the complaint of many an England manager that our footballers play too many games in the domestic English Premier League season which includes two domestic cups. 
However, looking at the stats of the actual games played between the 22 players of the Germany and England sides playing at Bloemfontein found,  shock of horrors, the German starting XI had played more matches. 
Some would argue that the Germans have a mid-winter break in the Bundesliga and arguably, the English Premier League is faster and more intense. 


But here's my theory:- 


a) If the England players spent a bit less time womanising or endorsing products, the pampered princes might have a better chance of not being too tired over 90 minutes 'work' a week. 
b) Note to Fabio; please don't use tiredness as an excuse when people from the Armed Services or nurses and doctors are present, because they will probably be able to tell you a little more on what real tiredness feels like. They might also tell you a good tale about living on £20,000 a year. 
c) There are no excuses... England are just crap. 

HOL-I-DAY, CELEBRATE

Oh happy day... Two weeks off work yippeeeee. No foreign holiday booked this year but plenty of relaxing, day trips and a hopefully a few days away will do just the job to recharge the batteries. I can honestly say, I have never been so brain-tired in all my working life. I've been irritable and a right bloody nightmare at work so a big cheer went up tonight as I left the office. Of course I will do my best to enjoy every single moment of...
- staying up after 10pm
- not having to be up at 7am
- wearing shorts and t shirts almost constantly
- not having to have a cheese sandwich every day
- not having to answer a phone or emails
- not having to do hours and hours of care plans and risk assessments 
- catching up with old friends and go out for a really long pub lunch or shopping
- being off before the school holidays 


So here's for hot sunny weather. Two weeks of peace and quiet when I want it, and rip-roaring socialising when I want that too. Plenty of blogs to follow....