BIG BROTHER LAUNCH NIGHT

It's 2010, it's in the 11th series, Davina is screaming already, it's on every night throughout summer, there's a few shocks in store... yes, hold on to your hats because Big Brother is back for the last ever series.
I hate myself for watching it but I'll no doubt be glued to my tv for the last showing of a little bit of tv history. 
So during tonight's launch, here's the housemates entering tonight... 


1. Josie (blonde, Bristolian, looks a bit of a goer) 
2. Steve (ex soldier. Heavily tattooed. Has 8 kids and an eye like Tony Gordon from Corrie. Disabled following bomb attack in Belfast)
3. Ben (very posh and foppish. Tim Nice-but-Dim springs to mind. So does the word wankwipe)  
4. Rachel (Beyonce look-a-likee. Vain, lazy and a right little madam)
5. Nathan (mono-eyebrow, naff Northern lad, hideous laugh) 
6. Dave (Christian minister, looks like a lesbian particularly Billie Jean King, wears monk's outfit. Welsh and annoying)
7. Caoimhe (pronounced Keever apparently. Irish, beautiful & likes girls)
8. Govan (giggly effeminate boy age 21. Virgin but self-proclaimed big willy. Josie will make a man of him) 
9. Shabby (arty, squattor, loud, doesn't want a job, lesbian)
10. Ife (singer & dancer, black lady. Could be fireworks with Beyonce)
11. John James (Australian blonde beach surfer hunk) 
12. Sunshine (medical student, spoilt, childish. Won't last too long with the bully girls or Shabby having her evil way with her in the showers)
13. Corin (Katie Price look-a-likee. Gobby Northern girl with false bits)
14. Mario (picked at random and entering the house as a mole - not the blind creature that buggers up you lawn, but picked to do dastardly deeds against housemates whilst evading detection)


So, that's it. The full list of housemates. Token disabled, black, gay in-situ. Usual WAG-type young ladies who play with their hair a lot whilst gazing at their reflection in the mirror. A couple of lusty young lads who will have their pick of the ladies. And of course, the usual freaks all brought to life by the highly excitable and equally annoying Davina McCall. 

EVENIN' ALL....

I have a confession to make. For years I took the mickey out of my brother for liking the tv programme Heartbeat. I could never work out how he could have such an edgy and cool taste in tv, yet could love something so schmaltzy and so unappealing as Heartbeat. And then something happened to me.... I got sort of old. I caught a rerun of Heartbeat on ITV3 and really enjoyed it. Now it's a case of a Sky+ series link and that heady feeling of excitement when there's a new episode to watch. The best episodes had PC Nick Rowan (played by Nick Berry), Kate his wife, and Claude Greengrass. The episode when Kate dies of leukaemia will be forever etched on my brain for that 'Love Story' moment when the storyline is so sad, you're sobbing into your crisps and your nose runs. Yes, the programme is a little sentimental at times and reflects the 1960's through rose-tinted spectacles. At times, the sleepy Yorkshire village of Aidensfield has a crime rate matched only by downtown LA or the Bronx. And then there's the problem of the longest decade since time began. It depicted 1962 when it first aired in 1992. By the time Heartbeat came off air in 2009, it had only reached 1968. But we won't worry about little trivialities like that and instead talk about the good stuff. Good acting (with the exception of Gina the scouse barmaid and Alfred the dog), good costumes, great music and great storylines. It had some great eye candy in the shape of the very lovely Nick Berry and my personal favourite, Jason Durr who played PC Mike Bradley. The cars and motorbikes used are also good to see again. No hightech car chases with BMW's here.. more like a Ford Anglia or mini van panda car and an old BSA. 
A great supporting cast and a nostalgic window into a world of the local pub where you could smoke, village community life, red phone boxes, a Post Office, and village bobbys who were clean shaven and wore a shirt and tie. And last but not least, it's good to see how many actors who had a bit part in Heartbeat and who later rose to the heady heights of Hollywood and megastardom in boyband revivals (Daniel Craig and Gary Barlow to name but a few). 
So, I apologise to my lovely brother for putting up with my eyes rolling and tutting when the word 'Heartbeat' was mentioned. I'm hooked and I can't help it. I draw the line however at The Royal and Rosemary and Thyme. I do have some taste after all...

ALAN WHO?

I briefly watched GMTV this morning  which is never an easy undertaking especially when dumb and dumber Andrew Castle and Kate Garraway are the presenters. During the GMTV advert breaks, I've noticed that new albums are promoted generally by musicians and singers who need all the help they can get. 
This morning's advert I spotted was for the 'only album you need to buy this summer', and 'the 'best cd from this summer' from Alan Pownall. Yeah, I know, I'd never heard of him either. The video accompanying his droning voice was of Alan on the beach scowling surrounding by blonde lovelies dancing around his piano. Anyway, if you want an album of dirge, sung by a scowling young man deep in thought, with a name more akin to the signwriting on a white transit van for a heating engineer, go and buy it now at Asda for £8.98. I think I'll stick to Shaheen's new album - you know... the Welsh lad who came 7th in last year's Britain's Got Talent. No, still can't remember? He sang Valerie, until Simon intervened and told him to sing something more soulful. Gasps from the audience and my God, what is Simon doing, then Shaheen belts out a Smokey Robinson track he had in reserve and brings the house down. How the hell does Simon do it we ask? A more contrived moment in BGT would be harder to find. Simon, the self-proclaimed expert of talent then voted for a dance troupe in the next round in favour of Shaheen before the other dumb and dumber Amanda and Piers saved him. And this year, guess what? Shaheen is signed to Simon Cowell's Syco record label and cue the adverts for his new album during GMTV advert breaks. Cynical? Oh yes...

5000 BLOG HITS AND COUNTING....

Wowsers.. The Fishfingerbutty blogsite reached the heady milestone of achieving 5000 blog hits today. It started in December 2009 as a way of alleviating a bit of boredom whilst waiting for my CRB check to come through prior to taking my first nursing job. What initially started as a hobby soon snowballed in to a full-scale rant-a-thon of the things that have turned me into the grumpy old woman staring back at me in the mirror.  
Reaching 5000 hits is a big thrill for me as I only ever expected it to last for a couple of weeks until the novelty wore off. Now, six months later and I'm still keen to write a load of bunkum for my friends and family's general amusement. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes a little reflective and sometimes it drifts into bonkersville.  
And thank you to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to read the blog and leave comments. All of them (bar one slightly unusual blog reader with a keen eye on spelling and grammatical errors) have been gratefully received and are much appreciated. 
So, here's to the next 5000 blog hits and don't forget to keep checking in and please keep the comments coming...   

DRUMMER BOY...

Just watching the finals of Britain's Got Talent and the young lad playing the drums has just wowed the audience. He drummed to Wipeout on a floating hydraulic platform and was pretty sensational. Drums for me are always one of the sexiest of instruments and when played well, are the heartbeat of the band making a good band sound fantastic. The drums gives the soul and beat to music and along with the bass guitar, they supply the rhythm singled out when strutting your booty on the dance floor. So good luck Keiran. If he doesn't win tonight's BGT final, I hope he gets himself in a great band to showcase his talent. Of course, he'll have to go some way to catch up to the talent of the greatest drummer of all time - Animal from the Muppet Show. Awesome skills and unblinking scary eyes made him a legend on his own drum kit. These guys weren't bad either....


John Bonham 
Keith Moon 
Stewart Copeland 
Ginger Baker 
Mitch Mitchell 
Buddy Rich


Have I missed any? 

ALL THE FUN OF THE FAIR..

Today was the day the morris dancers were let out on community treatment orders for our local town's gala procession. It's a big day in the town's social calendar where most of the community turn out in the streets to watch the procession, get drunk then head off to the local fair to throw up on the waltzers. It's a great day for the kids who sit on the floats looking a tad bored in their costumes with their adoring and tearful mums following chirping 'Sebastian, stop picking your nose and pull your costume straight'. And then there's the rose queen. I always remember as a kid having a secret desire that the rose queen with her perfectly coiffured hair, long dress and white gloves would trip up on her evening gown and fall off the travelling lorry into horse muck. Maybe I was just an evil tomboy who would never be selected to look like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys.  I watch them these days, and they are the similar swotty girls from my childhood although my wish for them to fall off moving transport has diminished over time. 
And then, the highlight of the day would be walking down to the local playing fields and on to the fair. Of course as kids, we'd already been there on the Friday evening known as 'Danger Night'. The rides seemed to go faster and a little longer on danger night. The fair lads would be out in force looking hard on the rides with their gold teeth and tattoos. There was a delicious air of excitement and danger on the Friday evening and our parents used to worry like mad about us being there. The rides were so good as well. I loved the waltzers, the octopus (or Typhoon?), and speedway and particularly loved the 'DJ' in the control box cheesily egging us on by his line 'ok girls, scream if you wanna go faster'. Yep, we screamed, and yes we went faster. The Saturday fair was a family day out and was never as good as the night before. If you were lucky, a lad would take you on the parachute ride and after a quick snog and winning a goldfish, it was the ONLY topic of conversation at school on Monday.  
I drove past there earlier and saw a posse of girls heading down in their make-up giggling like only teenage girls can do. It took me back....

MY BIG FAT ICE CREAM OBSESSION....

Summer's here which means it's open season in the ice cream eating championships. Each year I break records. My number one guilty pleasure above all else is ice cream. I would quite happily sacrifice drink, chocolate, crisps, yorkshire puds, meat, fishfinger butties and midget gems if it meant I didn't have to give up ice cream. But, it's not just any old ice cream. Here's the run down on 'special' ice cream which delights me more than life itself.. 
Numero uno is undoubtedly from Notoriani's in Blackpool. It's been there years and years and hasn't changed a bit. It has an old-fashioned ice cream parlour serving Knickerbocker glory's to die for. The ice cream is a one flavoured variety and I think it contains Carnation milk which gives it a unique creamy flavour. It's served in an old fashioned way by staff who sculpt it onto a cone using a sort of spatula. Bewd-a-ful. 
Followed closely behind are Haagan Daz cookies and cream flavour. Reminds me of going to the pictures and complements popcorn superbly. We luckily have another family-run ice cream parlour close by with Bonds of Elswick. Bonds make multi-varieties of flavours, all of which are excellent. My personal favourite there is English sherry trifle and strawberry flavours. Try getting parked there on a sunny Sunday afternoon.. impossible! 
And lastly, I was fortunate to visit a little town called San Gimignano in Tuscany on previous holidays. If you read this and get the chance to go to SG, as well as being one of the most gorgeous Italian renaissance towns you'll ever see, visit the world renowned Gelateria di Piazza owned by the very lovely Sergio Dondoli. Orgasmic times can be had by a) entering the gelateria and seeing the selections ranging from pistachio flavour (sourced from Tuscan pistachios), blackberries and lavender, champagne and peach, and b) check out and sample the chocolate section. Oh My God. You just want to launch into the fridge display head first and not come out for week. And whilst you're waiting to be served, because the queues are VERY long, check out the photos on the walls of the celebrities who've visited Sergio's. I remember seeing signed photos of Bill Clinton, world famous footballers especially the Italians, Luciano Pavarotti to name but a few. 
Ah yes. Thank you God for giving us the Italians who in turn gave us opera, Ferraris, art, style, fashion, food and wine, great football, culture, Vespas, films.... and best of all.... the ultimate ice cream. Grazie!